Getting Comfortable with Life

For some reason most of us intuitively think that life should be fair. Those who work hard and are honest should be rewarded. Those who cheat and steal should not be. Yet we all know that's not quite the way it works. Sometimes people who are honest and work hard are rewarded. Sometimes they face difficulties. And, as much as it might rankle, sometimes crooks are rewarded with wealth and apparent happiness.

This view that life should be fair can be a sticking point for those who experience chronic pain, whether physical or emotional. We may wonder what we have done to deserve such pain, perhaps even going over past decisions to see if we can spot where we went wrong. The reality is that sometimes we experience difficulties that are not of our own making. Pain, both physical and emotional, can in part be the result of genetics. It can be the result of random events. Or, it can arise from a variety of factors.

The challenge is how we deal with the fact that life is often not fair. Railing against it is usually unproductive. It uses up a lot of energy and changes nothing. Throwing up our hands and succumbing completely isn't a very good solution either. What does seem to work well is a middle approach, one that acknowledges that life is not necessarily fair, but that it's important and productive to keep trying our best anyway.

There is a certain peace that comes from acknowledging that certain factors may be beyond our ability to control. The tension and anxiety attached to trying to control the uncontrollable evaporate and we are left with an unexpected peace. All the energy we put into a lack of acceptance is now available to use in a productive way. We can address the things we can control.

Seeing life for what it is, a wonderful, but in some ways unexplained, experience grounds us in reality. What used to cause discomfort is now just part of this varied and beautiful experience. Within it we grow, evolve and expand our horizons. No matter what happens to us, we try our best for the reward of who we become.

Healing in Nature

Nature is healing. The blue of the sky, the grass between our toes, the smell of rain, digging in the dirt to plant, taking in this beautiful planet that is our home. All of this brings us closer to who we are and closer to healing.

Plants breathe out and we breathe in oxygen. We breathe out and plants breathe in carbon dioxide. Plants use the sun's energy to grow and in growing provide us with food. We thrive on what is here in nature because we are part of it. Nature feeds our bodies and our souls.

The Central Park Effect is a beautiful, lyrical documentary on birding. It is an immersion in nature. The beauty of the seasons, the foliage, and the migrators unfolds in the timeless paths and rhythms of nature. The Central Park Effect is a doorway to nature.

Whether we experience nature through a doorway such as a documentary, or through our own back door, we are constantly in nature, but often fail to be aware of that. Minds split with multi-tasking take in less of the splendor that surrounds us. Sensing the vibrating life in and around us brings us to the present moment. We are here now. In this present moment we heal.

Making Plans

Making plans can be lots of fun. Making plans can make you feel organized, on top of things, and, if you're planning a vacation or special night out, can make you feel a happy sense of anticipation. Even when you're making plans for something not quite fun, taking care of business can feel so productive.

The hitch, to quote Robert Burns is that 'The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley,' or, to put it simply, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. John Lennon used the following quote in the song Beautiful Boy, 'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.' All of this certainly rings true for those of us who experience chronic pain, whether that pain be physical or emotional. No one starts a day thinking, 'Hmmm, well the day looks good but I'd like to add a little pain to my itinerary.' Yet, sometimes that's what happens.

So what about those great plans that are now disrupted and either tabled or abandoned? Well, it's not so much the plans that count as how we respond to where we are. Obviously the plan has changed & our challenge is to roll with it. Resisting, fighting, regretting are not so productive. These things keep us spinning our wheels. Leaning into the new plan is a much more positive approach. That doesn't mean we necessarily embrace the new plan wholeheartedly. Perhaps when we lean in our weight will tip the balance just enough to throw the new plan off center and bring it to a place that's a bit more palatable.

Part of any journey is the unexpected, even those journeys that are carefully planned. How fortunate we are that our journey takes place in a great big glorious world. We don't always end up where we expected to be. The joy is in finding the beauty where we are.

We Do Our Best

I just finished watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It's an interesting story and, in my view, a good one. For me the takeaway was something Judi Dench said, "We get up in the morning. We do our best. Nothing else matters." Truer words were never spoken!

We've come to expect things like satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment as part of our rights as human beings. The reality is that while those things are nice, nothing is guaranteed. We may do our best and still have to deal with unpleasantness. Even if we know on one level that life is not fair, that concept can be hard to assimilate. So, when life is not fair to us, we balk.

The beauty of the quote is that we still have something precious even when things don't turn out our way. We have our inner strength, our integrity, and our character. The satisfaction that comes from holding ourselves to high standards is immense. Being able to look in the mirror knowing that we have done our best no matter the outcome is a gift only we can give ourselves. With it comes a freedom that cannot be had any other way, no matter where we go or how far we travel.

If you're dealing with chronic pain, whether emotional or physical, you may do everything in your power to eradicate it and not succeed. If that happens and you continue to do your best every day, you will become quite an amazing person.

Space in the Middle

Life is great when it seems like all the pieces are falling into place. It's just rolling along and it feels good. To be in that place can feel especially good when you have issues in your life such as chronic pain. When it all comes together it feels as though life has balanced out a little. What's not to like?

Then there can be times when it's a little off balance. A couple of things go wrong, but you're still on top of it. It's not as great as the best, but it's not too bad either. Pile on a couple of more things going wrong and it's not looking so good. A few more things going wrong and you're like someone trying to stop the dam from bursting all by yourself.

A natural tendency in that worst scenario is to resist. Fight it all and fight most of all against the fact that it is happening. However, that actually uses up a lot of energy. You're going to deal with each thing and each thing is going to take as long to resolve as it takes. Stopping for a moment and acknowledging that you're in the midst of a mess can be a good thing. This is part of life for pretty much everyone from time to time. Taking a good look around and saying, 'Well, here I am in the middle of it,' can be like taking a breath. It opens up space to regroup and in that space is energy, fresh energy to calmly tackle the next thing in front of you. Before you know it, that pile of things you have to deal with is lower. Over time it disappears and you're back in a good space, loving life.

In the midst of a mess, know you're in a mess, take a breath, make some space, find a smile, and keep going!

Getting to 'Eureka!'

Little kids love to learn. Joy and delight are found in every accomplishment from learning how to go up stairs to mastering buttons. It's all about the fun of the moment and the happiness of new moments. We could take a page from their book when it comes to adjusting our lives as our circumstances change. In order to do this we may have to change our thinking.

NPR recently had a great article on the differences in how Japanese and American students are taught. Turns out the big difference is that Americans are taught they are either smart, in which case they should get everything easily, or not smart, in which case they won't. Japanese students are taught that anyone can persist. And persist they do with excellent results. They may fail over and over, yet they continue to try. No ego involvement here, just the grit to keep at it until, 'Eureka!' the skill is learned.

It can be tough in our culture to lose the ego and embarrassment that can be attached to 'not knowing.' This is true whether the 'not knowing' involves new technology, new social dynamics, or new ways of navigating to compensate for pain. But there is a path forward. Take one part joy, one part persistence, one part toss out the ego, and there you have the perfect recipe for getting from 'not knowing' to 'Eureka!'

Self-Monitoring

Self-monitoring is a somewhat rare, yet critically important skill. This is true for anyone, but especially those of us who deal with chronic pain. Have you ever found yourself in the midst of some activity you love, only to realize that you are tiring yourself out? You know you should have quit an hour ago, but it's so much fun! The reality is that it would have been better to quit while you were ahead. Playing now can mean that you will end up paying later.

The value of self-monitoring applies to most other aspects of life. How much should we say to others and when should we keep quiet? What dreams are worthy of pursuit and what are just distractions? Improving on our ability to self-observe and self-regulate is a sound investment of time. It will stand us in good stead in many areas, especially with regard to health.

There are so many aspects of good health. Nutrition, exercise, and outlook are just a few of the factors that make up our total health. The more we self-observe and make good judgments about our actions, thoughts, and feelings, the better this total picture will be.

Happiness in Healing

Sometimes healing turns up in the most unexpected places. It can seem like a bad thing when someone comes to us to strongly disagree with something we have done or said. In fact our brains are wired to resist being open to such a situation. However, if we can quiet that part of our brain for a moment and calmly listen, we may see a point . . . or not. Either way the listening itself is healing to the relationship. A response that is likewise calm is healing as well.

Perhaps the result of such an exchange is an agreement to disagree. Still, the calm process, respectful listening, and thoughtful replies create a positive energy. Being listened to and listening fosters mutual respect and opens the door to further understanding and a wider perspective.

This type of healing is very important to those of us with chronic pain. Emotional well-being has an enormous effect on physical well-being. The better we relate to those around us, the happier and healthier we will be.

Patience and Faith

It's wonderful to feel useful. How great it is to be productive and have that productivity be appreciated. Being useful serves others, of course, but it also serves oneself. Positive feelings flow from a knowledge of contributions made.

In the movie Return to Me, Carroll O'Connor is asked if he wants help as he finishes up a night's work. He replies, '. . . not at all. I'm blessed with work.' One of my college professors lectured us on all the benefits of work to the mind and heart. She argued against the prevailing view in our culture that work is drudgery or a necessary evil. She expanded on all the ways that work, whether paid or unpaid, is necessary to fulfill ourselves as individuals.

Of course, recently many people unfortunately have faced the daunting prospect of being without work with dire financial consequences. However, beyond financial fallout, not having valued work tends to lower our estimation of ourselves as valued people. This can be a particularly difficult spot to be in when it is the result of pain that prevents us from leading the active lives we wish to lead. Where is our value then? What's more, will we return to life as it was? Or, will we experience a life less engaged than we wish? If so, will we be able to find a way to engage differently?

Finding the value in drastically different circumstances is a challenge. More than anything it requires patience. This may entail patience in waiting for diagnoses or the results of hard work in physical therapy to manifest. It may involve patience in learning new skills or patience in curtailing some activities. Most important is patience with ourselves as we learn who we are in this new setting and what it holds for us.

Stories abound of people forced into a corner who emerged far better than they ever would have been had they not faced difficulties. It can be hard to hold on to the inspiration of those stories if you find yourself in the midst of similar circumstances. The best antidote is faith that you will emerge. Patience while you are there and belief that you are merely traveling through, not stuck in, your circumstances will serve you well. Breathe deeply and enjoy the scenery as you travel to your next destination.

Inspiration

There's nothing like an inspirational story to lift the spirits. These stories can have many forms. They may be about people who are extraordinarily kind, people who overcome obstacles, or people who dedicate their lives to others, just to name a few. Sometimes inspiration comes from a fresh look at what we take for granted. One of my favorite stories was told to me by a good friend who lived in a small town on the East coast. Though quite small, the town had a significant international population due to both a college and a military institution located there.

My friend has always loved the outdoors and one Saturday she planned to spend the afternoon at a local creek. It was typical for the town, grass, flowing water, trees, ducks, and picnic benches. My friend invited her new friend, a classmate who happened to be from Afghanistan, to come along. She could tell that her new friend didn't quite understand what the planned activity was, but agreed to go anyway. When they arrived at the creek, the girl from Afghanistan gasped and said, 'You live in paradise!'

I love this story. What a take on something we consider so ordinary! It lifts my spirits and brings a smile to my face every time I think of it. It has changed forever every moment I spend outdoors, and even those I spend near a window looking out onto beautiful scenery. I know in a new way how lucky I am to be where I am.

Perspective Can Change Your Life

Perspective can change everything. The view from the mountaintop is entirely different from the view to be had on the plains. Perspective can change pain as well. It can lessen pain. It can change how we experience pain.

I've never heard anyone more eloquent on this topic than Thanissaro Bhikku in the brief missive, Stop Shooting Arrows. I hope you will follow the link, it may change your life!

Put a Spring in Your Step

There's nothing like spring. The fresh air, chirping birds, and blooming flowers are gifts that nourish the spirit. Wouldn't it be great if we could have that springlike feeling all the time? It's actually not out of reach. We can put a song in our hearts and a spring in our steps even on a cold winter day.

The best way I know to get that springtime feeling is to be here now. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, stop. Breathe in. Look around. When we really know where we are, it's amazing! The beautiful sky is there for anyone to look at. Trees spring right up out of the ground. We whirl through vast space! The wonder of the world is there every moment. It's in the moments we notice it that we are filled with wonder.

It's easy to get caught up in the details of life, especially if one of those details is chronic pain. And, sure, we have to pay attention to those details. But for a moment, we can pay attention to where we are, to the air that we breathe, to the wonder that surrounds us, to the magic of it all.

Lighten Your Load

It makes sense to do everything we can do to lighten our load. Why would we allow anything to weigh us down if we didn't have to? Yet, many of us carry around burdens that we could put down. Anger can be one of those burdens.

Culturally, anger can seem like a good thing. We can see ourselves as defenders and believe that anger is necessary in that role. In addition many of us believe that anger can be cathartic. Some therapists even recommend getting angry in order to release it. Unfortunately, as it turns out, that is an exercise that most often backfires, leading to an increase, not a decrease, of anger.

Buddhism takes quite a different view of anger. From this perspective it is seen as a virulent poison that can be transmitted from one person to another. Those not familiar with this view often take issue with it, equating it with weakness and/or apathy. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It is possible to feel quite strongly about something, up to and including defending someone from harm without having a heart filled with anger. In fact, losing the anger often clears the head. This allows one to act from an even stronger, more grounded position.

One of the best books I've read on the subject is Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh. In it he discusses the anger that can occur on many levels from anger between a couple to anger between and among societies. Most importantly, he discusses how to put anger down.

This topic is worth some thought. If we can put anger down, and remain strong and effective, why wouldn't we do that? How nice to live a life that is lightened!

Free Your Spirit

The freer our spirit is, the freer we are to deal with chronic pain, or whatever other challenges we may face. Fortunately, freeing the spirit requires no adjustment in our circumstances. We don't have to move, change jobs, or partners to gain this sort of freedom because it is gained by looking within.

Freeing ourselves of the burdens we carry can start with some inner adjustments. There are two books that I have found extremely interesting when viewed in this light. The first is Lying by Sam Harris. Perhaps I was attracted to this book because years prior to reading it, I'd committed to not lying, not even those little white lies that seem to part of the fabric of our social lives. This does not mean I'd committed to being mean, as in 'that makes you look terrible.' Rather, I searched for and found ways of telling the truth while remaining equally committed to kindness. I was amazed at the freedom this afforded me. No worries about what I might have said to whom. I hadn't made a practice of lying prior to this time. Yet, still it was as if a fresh breeze blew through my life leaving me feeling lightened and free.

The second book I am currently reading. It is Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson. This is a look at why, once we've done something not so smart, we are inclined to dig our heels in and stick with it. In fact, our brain chemistry promotes this. It takes understanding and sometimes courage to go in the other direction. It doesn't always feel easy to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. I won't do it again." For some reason, we expect children to do this, but we tend to lose the habit as adults. Yet, how freeing it is, when appropriate, to say those words and move on. Burden released.

It would be hard to overestimate the impact of our inner life on our health and well-being. Our bodies and spirits are not separate entities. We are both and, so, one affects the other. Free your spirit and happily see the benefits that flow through your life!

Stop, Assess, and Adjust

Feeling overwhelmed? Life can present many challenges, as can chronic pain. There are times when we might feel the effects of these challenges without even knowing it. That is to say, we may feel stressed, irritated, tired, or cranky without accurately identifying the source of these feelings. Sure we may be busy with family, work, or other obligations, but what can really erode our resources like nothing else is pain. Little by little we find ourselves less and less effective until we reach a state of overwhelm.

How can this be prevented? To an outsider, it might be obvious that addressing pain is the key. Yet, the view from inside can be quite different. We may unconsciously hold ourselves to the same standard of performance as someone without pain, and then blame ourselves when we can't meet that standard. We may try to juggle too many balls in the air because we see what needs to be done rather that seeing what we ourselves need.

The antidote to this dilemma is self-analysis. This will help us determine early what the issue is so that we can address it. Self-analysis can be easier said than done. One way to get a good perspective on ourselves is to question what we would think if we saw ourselves as a character in a movie. Seeing a character attempting to accomplish all that needs to done while in pain, what would be the appropriate response? Would we empathize with the character, or not? The caveat is, of course, that we be honest in this imaginary scenario. If we are, it can help us to spot what our stressors are. Are we too busy? Would the load be just right if we didn't have pain? Would the load be too heavy no matter what? If the problem is pain, what are we going to do about addressing our pain first, so that we can proceed with everything else?

States of overwhelm are no fun. Nor, are they fun for those around us. As children we learn to 'stop, drop, and roll' if faced with fire. As adults, if we're spending all our time putting out fires, it's time to 'stop, assess, and adjust.'

Turn Your Frown Upside Down

Culturally we get the message that we should always be moving forward. It would be great if life really worked that way! Sometimes it does, but sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back. This can happen if we try something new only to find out that it's not a good solution and we must regroup. It's a little bit trickier if we learn that something we've committed to for a length of time is ultimately not good for us. This can be something physical like an activity, a food, or a food group. Or, it can be a relationship such as with a doctor.

It can happen that someone we really like and feel good about seeing just isn't helping us in the long term. Despite best intentions, the advice given is getting us nowhere and it's time to see someone new with a fresh perspective. It can be troubling that we've been spinning our wheels in a pretty important area. So, it can help to look on the bright side.

Whether we're talking about an activity, a food, a relationship, or anything else, there is always a bright side. That bright side is comprised of everything we've learned, as well as the positives along the way. Eliminating options frees us to pursue better ones. We now have data indicating something is unproductive and we never have to pursue it again. In the meantime, we've had experiences with others who have enriched our lives. Just because someone doesn't have all the answers, doesn't mean they contributed nothing and doesn't mean we have to write off the positives of the relationship. We are shifting our course without regretting the course we've taken to date.

Sure it can be frustrating to feel we've taken two steps back, but if we see the positives, we will see that we really are further along our path. Insight allows us to turn our frowns upside down.

Wiggle Room

Medical issues can provide situations where we feel we're between a rock and a hard place. What do we do when some of the pain we experience could be helped by certain activities, but those very activities would cause other pain we experience to increase? What do we do when a specific diet would improve our health, but we're allergic to the main components of the diet? These examples may sound farfetched. In fact, they are from real life.

So, what do we do when we're between a rock and a hard place? Search for wiggle room! Perhaps we can't fully do the activities that would really help us. Can we do some modification of them? Can we combine small movements from Qigong, T'ai chi, Yoga, or physical therapy? Maybe we can't get the full results we're looking for, but can we get some?

What do we do when we're allergic to foods that could be beneficial? Research, research, research. The answer may not readily reveal itself. That doesn't mean we won't somehow, in some way be able to address our health issues.

How easy it would be if life were simple! For those of us with chronic pain, life is already a bit more complicated than it would be otherwise. So it's time to be creative. It's time to persist.  And, when we really feel we're caught between a rock and hard place, it's time to wiggle!

Laughter

There is nothing like a good laugh. It does wonders for our spirits. Even better, laughter heals. All you have to do is google 'benefits of laughter' to see why it is so good for us. Norman Cousins famously used laughter as part of his healing when ill and went on to write about it in Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient. There is even Laughter Yoga and associated Laughter Clubs.

How often does something come along that is both good for us and fun? If you experience chronic pain, or even if not, do something every day that makes you laugh. Right now I am reading Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling. Yes, I am laughing out loud. Another book that I found hysterical is Round Ireland with a Fridge. In fact, in my life, that book by British comedian, Tony Hawks, is hands down the funniest thing I've ever read . . . but, to be fair, I am only a third of the way through Mindy's book. And, if all else fails, I know I can always turn to YouTube and laugh myself silly.

You know what really tickles you, leaves you holding your sides, and gasping for breath. Follow that path. It's good for the mind, the body, and the spirit. Enjoy!

A Strong and Happy Spirit

Life is full of challenges. Some of these can be exhilarating, such as the work leading up to a degree or new job. Some can be daunting, such as chronic pain or troubling life issues. Chronic pain because of its persistent nature can recall for us other sources of pain that need to be addressed. For example, perhaps we feel we're not living up to our potential, perhaps we would like to improve our outlook, perhaps we've put off addressing certain family issues, or perhaps we need to deal with troubling events that occurred in the past. To recognize and deal with such issues is a wonderful thing. It frees your spirit.

This needn't be overly stressful. In fact, the more gently you approach things of this nature, the more effective you may be. Start to think about what you would like to change or address. Think about resources that may be available. Make a plan which will utilize your own strengths and any outside expertise you may need. Rather than diving in too deep, pace yourself. Spend time constructively addressing the issue, take a break, do something fun, and then return to it when you are reenergized.

There's no time like the present to get to things that need doing. Nowhere is this more important than those issues which affect your spirit. A strong and happy spirit is the foundation of dealing effectively and productively with chronic pain. Do all you can to provide that for yourself.

I Am Who I Am

I've had some down time lately due to being sick. It seems that when I catch something, I'm usually in for a week or so of trying to bounce back to health. It can be slow going.

Some people I know are able to use their time well when sick. They may meditate, or read, or do some other quiet activity that is, nonetheless, enriching. Not I. When I am sick, it seems all I can do to get through the day . . . or, sleep through it.

I wish I were one of those who were able to use this down time to my advantage. I'm not sure why I am not. It may be because of constitution or nature. It may be because at times chronic pain has run me down in the first place. Whatever the reason, I usually come out of sickness behind in my endeavors rather than ahead.

This is actually something I'm okay with. That's not to say I wouldn't leap at the chance to be different. However, try as I might, I am who I am. Therefore, when sick, I relax, I achieve nothing other than gradual increase of health, and I think with pleasure about all the things I'll enjoy once I'm better.

Coming Out of a Stall

Feeling stalled can happen to anyone. Stalls can occur with projects in process, new projects, or life in general. Experiencing a stall doesn't have to be a big deal as long as you can see your way clear to coming out of it. It is important to control the stall rather than allowing it to control you.

The first step in dealing with a stall is recognizing what is happening. You've lost momentum and are at risk of losing ground. The second step is assessing the cause of the stall and looking at options for coming out of it. You want to make sure that these options don't include the same approaches that brought on the stall in the first place. Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Opting into new patterns may bring you into unchartered territory. Don't try to get out of the stall so quickly that you jump into this territory unprepared. Think and plan. Once you're comfortable with a course of action, you are ready to act. The hope is that this new action will resolve the stall. If not, repeat the process. It may take a few tries to get the result you want.

What does all this have to do with chronic pain? Chronic pain itself is an ongoing project and one that seeps into many areas of life. Thus, if we feel stalled with it, there is the potential to feel stalled in other areas. More so than before chronic pain, an awareness of and attention to stalls will be helpful to us. If we are aware in this way, life will be easier.

Allowing It to Be

Allowing it to be. That phrase holds much import for many situations in life. In our culture, we may think that, no matter the situation, action is required if there is a problem. Fix it; erase it; adjust it. Whatever it takes. It can be surprisingly difficult to take a stance of peace and stillness.

Chronic pain brings with it a multitude of problems which may manifest as physical, but which also may be emotional or mental. The frustration of trying to sort it all out may be present. Sadness at the current situation may occur. Fear of what the future holds may arise. While we may not look forward to these experiences, we can use them to see more deeply into ourselves, our characters, and our bodies. If we allow these experiences simply to occur, if we are present with deliberate consciousness, they may provide an opportunity to evolve.

Understanding that we can be still as negative emotions wash over us tells us that we are brave. Peacefulness as we observe an inner storm swelling provides clarity about the nature of the storm. From this clarity we see how best to weather it. Sitting with our frustration allows us to untangle its threads and see how each can best be addressed. Resting in awareness of our cells, including those whose message is pain, opens a bridge to healing of the self.

Usually courage is seen as an inner trait that gives strength to fight the outer battles. In truth far more courage is required to face the inner turmoil. Allowing the turmoil to be, we see how to make our way through it.

Expectations

We all have expectations for ourselves. Those expectations can be informed by the hopes and dreams of those who love us, as well as the hopes and dreams we have for ourselves. However, when chronic pain enters our lives, we may be dealing with others' expectations in ways that are new to us. Family members, health professionals, and colleagues may have expectations based on what they think we can do, or ought to do.

Such expectations can run the gamut. We may get input on how much we should exercise, what we should eat, when and how we should work, etc. Some of these expectations may be realistic. Yet, sometimes they are not. Sometimes these expectations are set by people who do not understand what we are experiencing. This can be true of those who love us and those who work with us. It can also be true of those health professionals whose job it is to treat us. When that happens we are faced with a dual dilemma. We must, where possible, correct those unrealistic expectations and we must deal with the expectations that are appropriate.

All of this translates into a loss of independence. The independence we have carried with us throughout our lives, but especially as adults, can be diminished as others weigh in on our lives. Those with the best intentions, even those who are absolutely correct in their expectations, still represent a loss of autonomy for us.

The loss of independence, depending on our individual situations, can range from subtle to major. It is imperative that we deal with this constructively in order to maintain a good quality of life. So, the first step is to set our own expectations. Taking input from those who are weighing in, we must assess with an open mind. Perhaps some of the input is not to our liking, but is appropriate. That we come to accept. Perhaps some of the input is completely inappropriate. That we reject. All the while, we maintain positive relationships with others. However, we use our own expectations and analysis as our baseline. We are the only ones inside the experience of chronic pain. From this vantage point we see what really works. Perhaps something we initially resisted actually works well. Perhaps something we thought would be great doesn't provide much benefit. Or, perhaps we were right in our initial instincts about what would be really helpful. Though we have expectations from others that we never expected to have, we maintain our independence in recognizing that the view from the inside most accurately reflects our experience.

Joy in Asking for Help

Most people don't seem to like asking for help. Culturally, it can be seen as a sign of weakness. And, good grief, who in our society wants to display that? Yet, if we have chronic pain, sometimes we might have to ask for help. Perhaps we must ask a family member or friend for help with something. We may ask an employee at the market for a hand with heavy groceries. How do we navigate these potentially uncomfortable situations?

First and foremost, we have no room for negative cultural messages in our heads. We are not asking for help because we are somehow weak or inferior. On the contrary, we are stalwart souls dealing with a lot! The asking for help arises when we literally can't do something. This is in no way the same as not wanting to do something. Therefore, we need to have a clear perspective about ourselves, recognizing that we are internally strong even when we are limited physically.

Secondly, it's important to set a positive tone when asking for help. If you anticipate someone reacting negatively, you invite that reaction. Conversely, if, as you ask for help, you look forward to getting to know someone a little bit better, and are delighted by the prospect, you may be in for a pleasant experience. Many people find joy in helping others, and here you are, the gateway to their experiencing that joy. A request for help can be a "win win" situation. Look for the openness and happiness that can arise both for you and the kind individual who is willing to help.

Happy Alone Time

No matter how much we love other people, or how much we enjoy being social, we may find that chronic pain brings with it the need to be alone a bit more. This may occur because of fatigue, loss of stamina, or some other, seemingly negative, health-related reason. The trick is to turn this into a positive. The answer is happy alone time.

Alone time can be a source of rejuvenation and vigor. It's most productive when we look forward to it and utilize it well. Being alone can be an opportunity for peaceful rest if that's what we enjoy. It can mean a chance to meditate and look inward. It can result in a widening of interests and greater education through research and reading. Just because our bodies may be a bit slower, doesn't mean we can't flourish.

When in a positive frame of mind, plan different activities for those times when your body demands a little r and r. If you're not used to solo activities, think about what interests you and how you can pursue those interests from an armchair or recliner. Having a plan allows you to be proactive rather than reactive. Take steps to ensure that you are engaged and happy when spending time alone.

Doctor, Doctor

Chronic pain means health care professionals in your life. The options of whom to see are greater than ever, but the bottom line is that we need good partners in health care. It's really important to know when a relationship with a health care professional is going great and when to pull the plug.

You can tell a lot about your relationship by how you feel when you leave his or her office. If it's a good relationship, you will probably feel energized, committed to plans made during the visit, and, in general, good. This can be true even if you got news that wasn't welcome. There is no substitute for feeling heard and supported. Such a positive presence can carry you through a lot, including unwelcome information.

If on the other hand, you leave feeling irritated, cranky, and unheard, this can be a sign that you need to find another health care professional. It will be important, of course, to discern whether you feel cranky due to other causes such as pain or upsetting news. However, if leaving in a not-so-great mood is typical, this can be a sign of a less than optimal relationship.

No matter how great the relationship, quality of care is one of the most important health care issues. If your practitioner is lovely, but incompetent, it's definitely time for a switch. However, given good quality of care, how the practitioner relates to you is critically important to your health care journey. Feeling undermined can contribute to poor health. Feeling uplifted can contribute to good health. Keep looking until you find that competent professional who provides support, not just for your body, but for your spirit as well.

To Share or Not to Share

To share, or not to share, that is the question. I would guess that all of us who experience chronic pain have had people ask us for details either on our condition or on how we were doing with it. In my experience, some are truly interested, but many are asking because they think it's the polite thing to do. In reality, they are not interested. It can be easy to spot the difference, and when it is, it makes our replies easy. More difficult is encountering a person who says they are interested, really, really they are, but at the same time they don't want to hear about it.

I have a relative who would repeatedly ask me for details both on what I was experiencing physically and on how I was doing with that experience. Naively, I would proceed to divulge how things were going. That is, until I noticed that, inevitably, later in each conversation, she would tell me I shouldn't complain to people. Hmmm. That was curious, particularly since I felt no need to discuss it with her. I decided to consciously skirt the topic in every conversation we had. When it came up, I switched the subject or made some noncommittal remark. We had some lovely conversations and I didn't hear anything about my "complaining." Then one day, she pointedly asked me for an update. In as few words as possible I gave her one and went on to other things. Again, it was a good conversation. I seemed to have solved the puzzle of dealing with this particular person. For whatever reason, she either didn't want to hear, or wasn't comfortable hearing, about my experience even though she had persistently asked me to talk about it. Freeing her of that burden, which she couldn't seem to do herself, freed us to proceed with a good relationship.

This example is a bit unusual. Yet, it does serve to make a point. Just because we experience chronic pain, that doesn't mean it is fair game in conversations. Not everyone is interested, but even when they are, not everyone can handle it gracefully. If we feel the need to talk about it, it is productive to have a trusted person or people with whom to do that. In any other case, we are free to converse on all the wonderful topics there are that make for good conversation. Instead of possibly awkward situations, we can simply enjoy the company of other people.

Persistence

Persistence is one of those things that may feel out of reach just when you need it most. Chronic pain is there for the long haul and we can sometimes think we're a bit short on all that it takes to keep going. But a look at what persistence really is shows that we persist simply by being. We continue on with the chronic pain whether or not we want to. We are here. It's not going away, but neither are we.

There may be times when we have the energy to be proactive. We search out methods and means of relief. We exercise when possible. We read incessantly. We surf for solutions. At other times it's all we can do to get out of bed in the morning, if that. Through it all though we are persisting with this uninvited companion on our path.

To know we persist regardless is a welcoming thought. We meet a challenge every day that is daunting. Those who haven't experienced it can't begin to understand what life is for us. Whatever other challenges life may present, we face them with chronic pain. Yet, here we are. It's quite remarkable. We keep going, often cheerfully. When those times occur that we do think we are short on resources, we can remember that still we persist. And with that thought we can smile.

Collaboration

Collaboration can be incredible! Anyone can have a good idea. The ability to share the idea, receive input, and together realize the goal can have exponentially beneficial results. Most interesting to me are collaborative ideas that result in the greater good.

The capacity of the internet is being harnessed in just this way. gwap presents games that, when played online, improve search engines. Freerice provides education and rice for free. Pick a subject, answer questions, and watch the amount of rice donated increase. These sites are 'win win.' They are good for the player or learner and good for the recipients. Even better they present an opportunity to give for those who are unable to volunteer in person.

Collaboration can contribute to the greater good both in the end result and in the benefits participants experience as they collaborate. Despite chronic pain, we can join in this wonderful phenomenon. Good for others and good for us!

Open Minds and Hearts

Believe it or not an open mind and heart are two of the best things you can have as you deal with chronic pain. Most of us may think we have open minds. However, we may have a subtle automatic rejection system operating just under our conscious level of thought. We gravitate toward the comfortable or proven. We give lip service to new ideas, thinking that we will get around to giving them a fair hearing some day. Yet, that day never comes.

Taking a look at our mental boundaries doesn't mean we have to give up safety or try options that are outlandish or ridiculous. It means we should consciously look at when and why we automatically say no to new ideas and methods. What's the harm in reading an article just because our first reaction is to dismiss it? Even if a new idea ends up being 'not for us,' we may learn something. There may be a snippet of information worth knowing about. Following that snippet may lead us to another article and another. Before we know it, we may have something valuable in hand.

It is the same with our hearts. We may have people or types of people with whom we work well. We may also have ideas about types of people we don't see as a good fit, perhaps based on prior bad experiences. This can be valid, but what if we encountered those types of people under utterly different circumstances and with a different frame of reference? Carrying old feelings through to the present may cause us to miss out on opportunities to collaborate, learn, and heal. Just as we should look carefully at how we automatically say no with our minds, we should look carefully at how we automatically say no with our hearts.

Sometimes dealing with chronic pain can be overwhelming and we seek to shut other things out. Perhaps this is productive in the moment, but we have to take care with this approach. We have too much to lose if our minds and hearts don't remain open. Being open does not mean abandoning critical judgment and the right to say 'no.' It means giving ourselves more opportunities to exercise critical judgment and to say 'yes' or 'no' as appropriate.

Heat, Ice, or Neither?

A change in temperature can be very helpful for chronic pain. For some injuries, of course, there is a prescribed routine, ice for so many hours and then heat. For chronic pain, it sometimes is simply a matter of which one feels better.

I always choose heat. For whatever reason, my body responds well to heat, whereas I have an adverse reaction to cold. I've had physical therapists and doctors who have been surprised at this response. They have felt sure that under certain circumstances anyone would prefer cold. Being a good sport, I've followed their suggestions, only to reaffirm that I like heat. Cold just doesn't work for me unless we're talking about a new injury such as a sprained ankle. For chronic pain, I'll take heat every time.

Others may prefer cold, or a variation of temperatures. The important thing here is the idea that temperature can be our friend as we deal with chronic pain. Experimenting with what works can result in some much needed temporary relief. Of course we want to verify with a professional that variation of temperature won't cause harm. However, once we get the go-ahead, we can add temperature as a valuable tool in managing chronic pain.

Food

Food is a fabulous, wonderful part of our lives. In all its different forms, it can be what it is, fuel, or what it was never meant to be. It can seem like our friend in loneliness. It can signal a celebration in the form of cake and other goodies. But the reality is that food is our fuel. Without it we stop. If the quality of the fuel is poor enough, we may stop because of it. Looking at food as fuel and ensuring the quality of our fuel is critical when chronic pain is on our path.

Many conditions of pain are worsened when weight is added to already stressed parts of the body. Therefore, it may help to look at portions and at types of food that help our body work better. To paraphrase Natalia Rose, our bodies know just what to do with an avocado, but fast food? Not so much. However, even if we love avocados and shun fast food, eating too many avocados will do us no favor. So beginning to take a look at the fuel we ingest every day and how it helps or hurts us can be constructive.

Personally, I try to eat as raw as possible, though I am the first to admit my diet is not completely raw. Juicing has transformed my life in many ways. In terms of how it makes me feel, I haven't felt this innately good since I was about ten. When I juice the internal feeling is as if all my cells stand up and say, "Yay!" With juicing I have access to all the enzymes that would be lost in cooking. Not only do I experience more energy and a more positive outlook, I have experienced some lovely side benefits. My hair had been turning seriously gray and it is now, for the most part, back to its natural color. In my view, this is minor compared to the other benefits, but nice nonetheless.

There are those who might argue against a raw diet, or being vegetarian. Certainly that is their call. The one thing, however, that most agree on is the harm caused by processed foods. With these we are making our already stressed bodies work harder. Certain combinations of sugar, salt, and fat tell our bodies to store fat, not get rid of it. Do we really need this if we're already managing chronic pain?

Having a healthy diet is good for anyone. For those of us with chronic pain, ensuring that our food is not laced with chemicals or processed in a manner that causes harm is only sensible. We already have enough health issues to deal with. We should let food be the fuel that helps us feel better and gives our bodies a break.

How Time Changes

What time is to us, how we perceive and manage it, may change with the arrival of chronic pain. When I was able to work, it was as an engineer/project manager. I installed and supported internet protocol capable telephone systems for businesses. In terms of working dial tone, the buck stopped with me. It was unacceptable to leave a client without dial tone. If that meant sixteen-hour days on the weekend, that's what I worked. If I had to stay until two a.m. on a weekday and show up for work at eight a.m. the next day, I did that. Time was of the essence whether troubleshooting or at an install. On call 24/7, my time was often not my own. I was frequently short on time in my personal life. Yet, I love technology and I loved my clients. I felt the trade-off was worth it.

Now time has taken on a whole new dimension, often defined by pain, its intensity, and the duration of intense pain. In some senses, it shapes who I am and how I relate to others. How much sleep will I get? If pain keeps me awake, will I be able to drive safely? Do I cancel the doctor's appointment or try to find someone to drive me? For the rare lunch out with friends, can I make it, or do I cancel . . . again? Do I push myself beyond safe limits or perhaps have to accept innuendo that I am irresponsible and unreliable? Do I simply watch as potential new friendships, and sometimes old friendships, slip away because I am now too slow or unable to show up consistently? If I'm exhausted, will I have the energy to make sure I walk safely and don't fall? Or, would it be better to stay put in a chair or on the couch? How I use time during the day can be determined by time, the amount of time I was able to sleep. Where I previously managed my time to fulfill responsibilities to others, I now manage my time to fulfill responsibilities to myself. Of primary importance is managing time to protect myself.

This project takes every bit of resources I have. It requires drive, self-monitoring, and a strong sense of responsibility. An outsider might think of this as a selfish project. In reality, the more distance I can have from an emotional desire for a particular outcome, the more objectivity I bring to the project, the better I do. I use time not for what I want, but for what is best for me. I often pass on fun outings because they represent too much time in the car or too much time standing. I deliberately limit myself to protect the mobility I retain. If I experience others' disapproval and distancing, I use it to strengthen my character with the understanding that it's okay if others don't understand. How lucky they are to not know chronic pain! I use my experiences to increase my compassion for others.

I also use my time to explore. Thank goodness for the internet! I can go places and learn things that would have been utterly beyond reach in the past. All those subjects that interested me for years are now open for me. I evolve and adjust to friendships supported more by phone and online time than in-person time. While I am conscious of the negative impact of television, I am glad it is there when that feels like all I am capable of. When I have done all that I can do in one day to address my situation skillfully, my time is truly my own. I use it to educate myself, satisfy my interests, expand my mind, hone my character, chat with friends, and relax. Time for these things is a gift.

Evolve

It makes perfect sense when facing a challenging or difficult task to see to it that you are at your best. How exactly does that work with chronic pain? Is it even possible? Chronic pain means that we are navigating through the health system, dealing, for instance, with doctors, physical therapists, acupuncturists, myofascial therapists, nutritionists, health insurance, and myriad details. Each meeting and phone call is critical to our future and we proceed through them in the midst of pain. Just when we need to be at our best, we are distracted by pain.

What about that? We may be among the fortunate who have partners, family, or friends to help us. Even so, no one is more invested in our health than we are. Thus, no matter how much help we have, or do not have, we are front and center as we seek professional help for our situation. This can be a difficult spot to be in when we are not at our best. We may be attempting to marshall resources that we know exist, but have troubling accessing.

Well, we certainly can't give up. So, then what? I believe one of the most important decisions a person can ever make is whether or not to evolve. It is perhaps the most important decision because it affects every moment of life thereafter. To decide to direct our energy to becoming better is a courageous and breathtaking choice. It is a choice that abandons stagnation and embraces possibility.

As we acknowledge that we can do better and commit to finding out how to do better, we begin to look inward. This is not for the faint of heart. It can reveal work to be done. Going over a meeting or phone call that did not go well, we analyze what happened and determine what we will do differently next time. If more patience would have been useful, we can begin to practice that. If more assertiveness would have been productive, we can practice being assertive without the aggression that alienates. If a greater understanding of anatomy would have facilitated communication, we can do some research. This analysis helps us determine what we should let go and what we should pursue. It may be a slower process requiring more practice than it would have before chronic pain. However, it leads us to being our best.

Though we may have experienced loss because of chronic pain, we hold the power to change ourselves. When we say, "I am not all that I can be," our potential is revealed. We seize the opportunity to live an elevated life. To do so in the midst of chronic pain is laudable. If this is your choice, congratulate yourself. Well done.

Sources of Inspiration

The web for me is a source of inspiration. It can inspire me in ways related to chronic pain. It also provides enormous inspiration related to my life path. The funny thing is, the more inspired I feel, the less I notice pain. It may exist, but the amount of attention it absorbs decreases exponentially as I am absorbed by the wonder that is humanity.

There are websites that I subscribe to and those I visit from time to time. Some, such as The Hunger Site, inspire by virtue of what they are, in this case an opportunity to daily give free food, medical aid, etc., whether or not I choose to purchase something. Others, such as Kiva, inspire by virtue of what they do, in this case making microfinancing available to those who would otherwise be least likely to get it. There are those such as Daily Good that inspire by sharing amazing stories and those run by amazing individuals like Leo Babauta who may also have created other, extremely useful sites such as Zen Habits. Below, in no particular order, is a list of additional websites that have provided inspiration and have renewed my faith in what we humans can accomplish. I hope that if you decide to visit them, you too will feel refreshed and invigorated, hopeful about what life may offer.

www.karmatube.org
www.kindliving.net
www.awakin.org
www.thepeaceartist.com
www.greatergood.berkeley.edu
www.charleseisenstein.net
www.peterbregman.com
www.parabola.org
www.onbeing.org
www.urbanfarmers.com
www.thirdside.org
www.matthieuricard.org
www.theskyisthelimit.se
www.challengeday.org
www.yesmagazine.org
www.odewire.com
www.blinknow.org
www.siyli.org
www.bloodbrotherfilm.com
www.nokidhungry.org
www.helpothers.org
www.moreloveletters.com
www.thehawnfoundation.org
www.treehugger.com/natural-sciences/trees-communicate-one-another-connected-fungi-video.html
www.livingseedlibrary.net
www.myplasticfreelife.com
www.incredible-edible-todmorden.co.uk/home
www.mystrokeofinsight.com
www.jbtbrains.org
www.goodnewsnetwork.org

Knowledge is Power?

Knowledge is power? Well, it can be. Understanding the source of chronic pain is helpful. Understanding what can assist with chronic pain is helpful. Knowledge can certainly be empowering.

What about lack of knowledge? Not knowing holds potential. There is the potential to acquire knowledge about external matters as well as self-knowledge. A state that holds potential is quite different from a state that is "powerless." This distinction is important in how we approach chronic pain.

Chronic pain tends to push us to search for answers. It is a journey that begins when chronic pain appears, continues through a diagnosis, and proceeds as we become accustomed to this new companion on our path. This uninvited companion is rude. Chronic pain nudges us continually, gets in our way, and exhausts us. We look for ways to eject this companion and, if that doesn't work, we look for ways to get chronic pain to at least behave. Chronic pain turns us into seekers.

To be a seeker is to be comfortable with not knowing. This can be quite counter to cultural experiences we may have had. Some families, schools, and work environments prize knowing above all else. In these environments to not know is to be "less than." If this has been our experience, we must put it aside. On our journey feeling "less than" about not knowing is counterproductive. It will serve only to impede us and make us doubt ourselves. Heaping negative emotional experiences upon chronic pain can actually worsen it.

As seekers we celebrate the opportunity to learn and the exhilaration that accompanies learning. Not knowing is an adventurous mystery. Who knows what wonderful development lies in wait for us? Who knows how greatly we can master our own minds? Who knows how greatly we can affect this experience of chronic pain? Who knows what amazing destination awaits that we might otherwise have bypassed? Who knows what wonderful sights we'll see along the way?

Once in a While Something Lovely Comes Along

The wonderful thing about life is that something lovely can happen when you least expect it. Usually I think of this in terms of people and positive interactions, but sometimes an object can surprise you. I am not one to continually search out and purchase new products. However, I do glance at health items from time to time. Usually there is nothing of interest and I move on.

Recently, however, I came upon a Spoonk Accupressure Mat. At first I was skeptical, but then decided to go ahead and take a chance on it. To my surprise and delight, it's a lovely addition to my life. Somehow it takes the edge off my pain.

The purpose of this blog is to share what's worked for me, not to advise or make suggestions for others. What has worked for me might not be what's needed for someone else. Yet, I think it's good to reaffirm that just when you least expect it, something lovely can come along.

Get Comfortable

Some people choose paths of great rigor with the anticipated result of excellence. This choice may be made for a career such as medicine or law. The choice may be part of personal life. Parents devote long hours and sleepless nights over the course of years hoping that their efforts will make a meaningful difference in their children's lives. Monks and nuns willingly embrace a spartan path seeking excellence of the mind and heart. We, too, are on a path of rigor, but not as the result of choice. Though we may pursue excellence in dealing with chronic pain, we may feel the weight of this unchosen path.

What do we do with the dark days? What do we do when we are simply overwhelmed by life as we know it? I was born inside the snowbelt in Syracuse, N.Y. When snow is a part of your life, it can provide wonderful opportunities. I recall my Dad building us igloos with blocks of snow and taking us sleigh riding. Snow can also provide an environment best avoided. Aside from the dangers presented by ice, being outside in the midst of a snowstorm can be a miserable experience. Shielding your face from stinging ice pellets isn't exactly a "winter wonderland" experience. On those days, it's best to be inside with a hot cup of tea or cocoa, curled up under a quilt, watching the snow from a place of safety and warmth.

This is exactly where we want to be on our dark days. We don't have to be in the midst of our storm every day. Sometimes it's best not to be. It's best to take a break and provide ourselves some comfort during the storm. We can recall that we will figure this out . . . but not today. Today is for breathing, relaxing, and putting it all out of our minds. A hot cup of tea or cocoa, a warm quilt, a good book or movie, and a window with a view of nature can provide a much needed respite. When you find yourself having a dark day, the best idea may just be to go inside, get comfortable, and wait until the storm plays itself out.

From Bored to Amazed

Chronic pain is boring. Sure, initially there can be a lot of drama associated with it. There are myriad ways in which it can affect your life and in the midst of those changes you may find yourself continually adapting. Yet, when all is said and done and you have adjusted to your new reality, it's . . . boring. The stasis of chronic pain typically just doesn't offer a lot that is interesting. Therefore, I always have my ear to the ground for anything that could provide interest or positive change. Here I'm not talking about developments in the medical field, though it seems responsible to keep oneself informed in that area. In this case, I'm talking about seeking out esoteric knowledge and approaches to pain.

One has to be careful about this. New or radical "cures" can cause damage and exacerbate suffering. I tend to stay away from unfamiliar approaches unless there is documentation and a significant history of success. I look more for tried and true methods that perhaps haven't gained much publicity or aren't widely practiced in my sphere of reference. An example of this on a greater scale occurred with the introduction of Eastern medicine to the Western world of medicine. Decades ago acupuncture was shrouded in mystery. Now it is covered by most insurance plans and Western doctors have come to realize that it can be a remarkable method of alleviating pain.

Recently, I watched the series Medicine Men Go Wild. This series covered the adventures of two British doctors who also happen to be twins, the van Tulleken brothers. They wanted to bring modern medicine to some of the most remote areas on earth. Surprisingly, they found they didn't have a lot to offer. People living in those areas had methods of maintaining health that were effective.

The episode that interested me most was Episode 2, "World of Pain." Though I don't remember all the details, I vividly recall a Tibetan man who had a procedure without anesthesia. He was quite calm and displayed no distress as the doctor worked. One of the British doctors said that Western patients having a similar procedure with no anesthesia would be screaming in pain. They asked the Tibetan man what his internal experience was during the procedure. He had been looking at a beautiful mountain view as it proceeded. He said, "I just think of something else."

What does this mean for us, aside from the fact that it's amazing? Well, we couldn't presume to have the abilities displayed by the Tibetan patient. Being raised in such a culture would certainly affect outlook and, thus, neural pathways that deal with pain. Those raised in a Western culture would have forged quite different neural pathways. This isn't something that could be changed overnight, if an individual found they were able to change it at all. And, yet, the varying experiences of pain aren't entirely cultural. Once when in a hospital, I was about to receive an injection. The nurse asked me if it was okay to proceed and I said, "Sure, go ahead. It's no big deal." She said, "Well, you wouldn't think so from the fifteen-year old girl who was screaming her head off when I gave her an injection."

How fascinating that one brain response is so different from another. Given these different experiences of pain among people, is there the potential for meaning in our experience of chronic pain? I find topics such as this one both completely absorbing and worthy of thought. Norman Doidge's book The Brain that Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science illuminated for me the amazing plasticity of the brain. If the stories in his book were not documented, I would have a hard time believing them. The knowledge that some brains do not perceive pain at the level of others, combined with the plasticity inherent in the brain does something wonderful. It opens the door of hope. I don't expect to be able to change my pain experience quickly, though that would be great. I don't know if in fact I can change it significantly, though that would be great. But I do have a project that is not boring. Slowly but surely I am working on paying attention to pain, experiencing it, and attempting to shift it downward. So far, I can report mixed success with an unanticipated side effect of exhilaration.

Self-Image

There are people who have dealt with chronic pain their entire lives. I have tremendous respect for them. But, that is not my experience and I can't speak to it. I can speak to chronic pain showing up unexpectedly and settling in to stay.

Who am I? That question used to elicit answers that had everything to do with my physical condition. "I am someone who works out all the time." "I am someone who didn't just buy a gym-quality treadmill, I use it." "I am someone who can work a sixteen-hour day, no problem." "I am someone who can pack all day to get ready for a move and then go to the track to unwind."

A number of years ago I had started working out at a state-of-the-art gym. I couldn't wait to get there and each time I worked a little harder. I remember walking home one day after working out. I felt great! I was lean, my muscles felt strong, and I was just where I wanted to be. I felt I was at the beginning of good things, on the road to some of the best health of my life. Little did I know that was not the beginning of that path, it was the end. A back injury brought my fitness regimen to a screeching and permanent halt.

What would my answers be today about who I am? If I defined myself only in terms of physical fitness, I might not have as much to be happy about. What do we do when self-image changes drastically? What do we do when we really enjoyed how we used to present to others, but would never have chosen how we present now? We have to find a way for our spirit to heal, to resolve mentally and emotionally the deep change that has occurred. A surface acceptance won't do it. We can say, "It is what it is," until we're blue in the face, but without new and vibrant meaning in our lives that is just an empty phrase. It is important to know that real inner healing can take place. This is something that others may be able to help you with, but that only you can do. Therefore, take it at your own pace. It's appropriate to enjoy input that is helpful, but to firmly reject outside interference and impatience. Even the most well-meaning people, whether family, friends, or professionals, can miss the mark in an attempt to be helpful. Evaluate what you hear and listen to your heart. This is new territory. It may take some time to get the lay of the land.

So, take a breath. In the past we may not have realized just how many paths were available to us. We may have chosen the one that seemed to be the best, or the one that appealed to us the most. Yet, here we are at the end of that path, but not at the end of choosing. The most human tendency, and really the most unproductive tendency, is to believe that our new options are defined by what they are not. Initially we may focus only on what may be lacking on a new path, missing the potential it may hold. This great change we undergo can take some time to process. Moments or days that you spend taking it all in, looking around at your new and unexpected landscape, absorbing the end and the beginning are what allow you to choose wisely. Give yourself time to understand what has happened and mull over the possibilities inherent in this change.

Who am I? My answers today have an entirely different focus than they did years ago. "I am someone who is compassionate, empathetic, and patient." "I am someone who is resourceful in the face of challenges." "I am someone who knows more about anatomy and nutrition than I ever thought possible." "I am someone who can advocate well for myself." "I am someone who has rediscovered my love of science." "I am more content than I have ever been."

Pushing Limits

To push ourselves or not to push ourselves. This is a choice we frequently face as we monitor and cope with pain. Sometimes pushing can be precisely the right thing to do. Many of us with sore and aching muscles push through our fatigue in physical therapy and work our way to better health. Supervised by a health professional we know that in this case we are not causing further damage, so we focus on the benefit to be gained by pushing ourselves beyond a comfortable limit.

The reverse side of the coin is ignoring, suppressing, or riding roughshod over pain to our own detriment. Sometimes frustration leads us here. Tired of the limits our condition imposes, we go ahead and surpass what we know to be safe. The feeling of freedom this may bring can come at great cost. Lifting that heavy object just this once may result in damage and/or increased pain that will be present for a long time, if not forever. Negative self-talk can also bring us here. If our inner voice is shaming us because we cannot function as if there were no pain, we may be tempted to raise our activity level to some "normal" standard that for us is injurious.

And what about new pain? For those who suffer chronic pain, new pain may be overwhelming in a unique way. We have some foresight about what life will be like if the new pain does not go away. That vision alone can tempt us to pretend that the new pain simply doesn't exist. We put off getting a diagnosis, ignore the pain, and potentially worsen the underlying cause.

Though these reactions to old and new pain are understandable, they are not productive. This is why monitoring our internal state is so important. In paying attention to our thoughts, we can ask ourselves questions. "Is this thought productive?" "Does this lead to better health?" "Is this thought appropriate in my situation?" "Am I really being fair to myself or am I expecting way too much of myself?" "Is this feeling about my pain genuine or the result of input from people who don't have or understand chronic pain?" "What is the safer, healthier choice in this case, pushing myself or deciding not to push myself?" These honest questions act as a barometer about how we're thinking and feeling. They can lead us to an inner place that is kinder and wiser. Once in that place we can act more fully in our own best interest. We can direct our energy and enthusiasm in ways that nurture our physical well-being and bolster our spirits. We can learn to push ourselves only when it's productive and to peacefully resist when it is not.

Opportunity

Whether or not we deal with chronic pain, we all face problems. This is the nature of life. I've never known anyone to skate through life problem-free. Problems can be a source of evolution for us, challenging us to reach for new heights, call upon our resources and develop new resources. Eventually, through dealing with problems we may find ourselves at an evolved level of functioning. Issues that used to seem insurmountable no longer distress us. We have navigated through them and now know the way.

Viewing life in this way, we may become eager to flex our problem-solving muscles, hoping that as we grow chronologically, we also grow in wisdom and capability. This can be true for those dealing with chronic pain. After all, we have a subset of problems that the general population does not face. We can actually use our pain as a means of growth and evolution. To use pain to develop patience, equanimity, and compassion is a wonderful thing. Strengthening our character in this way is a service both to ourselves and others.

Another use for pain is to gain greater control over our own minds and our perception of pain. Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche in his wonderful book, The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness, discusses this more Eastern approach to pain. He relates how his father deals with pain through controlling his own mind in a story that simply inspires wonder.

I don't make light of my pain. I'm not happy that I have it. Though it's kind of hard to remember what it was like before pain, if I had a choice, I would definitely choose not to have it. But since I do have it, I might as well make the most of it. It's empowering to look upon it as an opportunity to grow and to choose to take advantage of that opportunity.

A New Year's Gift

Happy New Year!

Give yourself a treat this New Year & vow to do something special for yourself every day. You deserve it! The perfect gift would be a meditation practice. Good for the body and mind, it will help with your pain and your response to pain. 

Meditation should be a lightening experience. Just as a butterfly alights upon a flower, so can your mind alight upon a focus. Daily meditating will strengthen your ability to control your mind and direct it consciously. This is so productive. No longer will you be at the mercy of fleeting thoughts and emotions.

An excellent meditation for the beginner or practiced meditator is 15-Minute Meditation for Health & Wellbeing. Whether you choose this or some other form of mediation, daily practice can transform your outlook and your ability to cope. Namaste.