Self-Image

There are people who have dealt with chronic pain their entire lives. I have tremendous respect for them. But, that is not my experience and I can't speak to it. I can speak to chronic pain showing up unexpectedly and settling in to stay.

Who am I? That question used to elicit answers that had everything to do with my physical condition. "I am someone who works out all the time." "I am someone who didn't just buy a gym-quality treadmill, I use it." "I am someone who can work a sixteen-hour day, no problem." "I am someone who can pack all day to get ready for a move and then go to the track to unwind."

A number of years ago I had started working out at a state-of-the-art gym. I couldn't wait to get there and each time I worked a little harder. I remember walking home one day after working out. I felt great! I was lean, my muscles felt strong, and I was just where I wanted to be. I felt I was at the beginning of good things, on the road to some of the best health of my life. Little did I know that was not the beginning of that path, it was the end. A back injury brought my fitness regimen to a screeching and permanent halt.

What would my answers be today about who I am? If I defined myself only in terms of physical fitness, I might not have as much to be happy about. What do we do when self-image changes drastically? What do we do when we really enjoyed how we used to present to others, but would never have chosen how we present now? We have to find a way for our spirit to heal, to resolve mentally and emotionally the deep change that has occurred. A surface acceptance won't do it. We can say, "It is what it is," until we're blue in the face, but without new and vibrant meaning in our lives that is just an empty phrase. It is important to know that real inner healing can take place. This is something that others may be able to help you with, but that only you can do. Therefore, take it at your own pace. It's appropriate to enjoy input that is helpful, but to firmly reject outside interference and impatience. Even the most well-meaning people, whether family, friends, or professionals, can miss the mark in an attempt to be helpful. Evaluate what you hear and listen to your heart. This is new territory. It may take some time to get the lay of the land.

So, take a breath. In the past we may not have realized just how many paths were available to us. We may have chosen the one that seemed to be the best, or the one that appealed to us the most. Yet, here we are at the end of that path, but not at the end of choosing. The most human tendency, and really the most unproductive tendency, is to believe that our new options are defined by what they are not. Initially we may focus only on what may be lacking on a new path, missing the potential it may hold. This great change we undergo can take some time to process. Moments or days that you spend taking it all in, looking around at your new and unexpected landscape, absorbing the end and the beginning are what allow you to choose wisely. Give yourself time to understand what has happened and mull over the possibilities inherent in this change.

Who am I? My answers today have an entirely different focus than they did years ago. "I am someone who is compassionate, empathetic, and patient." "I am someone who is resourceful in the face of challenges." "I am someone who knows more about anatomy and nutrition than I ever thought possible." "I am someone who can advocate well for myself." "I am someone who has rediscovered my love of science." "I am more content than I have ever been."