Expectations

We all have expectations for ourselves. Those expectations can be informed by the hopes and dreams of those who love us, as well as the hopes and dreams we have for ourselves. However, when chronic pain enters our lives, we may be dealing with others' expectations in ways that are new to us. Family members, health professionals, and colleagues may have expectations based on what they think we can do, or ought to do.

Such expectations can run the gamut. We may get input on how much we should exercise, what we should eat, when and how we should work, etc. Some of these expectations may be realistic. Yet, sometimes they are not. Sometimes these expectations are set by people who do not understand what we are experiencing. This can be true of those who love us and those who work with us. It can also be true of those health professionals whose job it is to treat us. When that happens we are faced with a dual dilemma. We must, where possible, correct those unrealistic expectations and we must deal with the expectations that are appropriate.

All of this translates into a loss of independence. The independence we have carried with us throughout our lives, but especially as adults, can be diminished as others weigh in on our lives. Those with the best intentions, even those who are absolutely correct in their expectations, still represent a loss of autonomy for us.

The loss of independence, depending on our individual situations, can range from subtle to major. It is imperative that we deal with this constructively in order to maintain a good quality of life. So, the first step is to set our own expectations. Taking input from those who are weighing in, we must assess with an open mind. Perhaps some of the input is not to our liking, but is appropriate. That we come to accept. Perhaps some of the input is completely inappropriate. That we reject. All the while, we maintain positive relationships with others. However, we use our own expectations and analysis as our baseline. We are the only ones inside the experience of chronic pain. From this vantage point we see what really works. Perhaps something we initially resisted actually works well. Perhaps something we thought would be great doesn't provide much benefit. Or, perhaps we were right in our initial instincts about what would be really helpful. Though we have expectations from others that we never expected to have, we maintain our independence in recognizing that the view from the inside most accurately reflects our experience.