Getting Comfortable with Life

For some reason most of us intuitively think that life should be fair. Those who work hard and are honest should be rewarded. Those who cheat and steal should not be. Yet we all know that's not quite the way it works. Sometimes people who are honest and work hard are rewarded. Sometimes they face difficulties. And, as much as it might rankle, sometimes crooks are rewarded with wealth and apparent happiness.

This view that life should be fair can be a sticking point for those who experience chronic pain, whether physical or emotional. We may wonder what we have done to deserve such pain, perhaps even going over past decisions to see if we can spot where we went wrong. The reality is that sometimes we experience difficulties that are not of our own making. Pain, both physical and emotional, can in part be the result of genetics. It can be the result of random events. Or, it can arise from a variety of factors.

The challenge is how we deal with the fact that life is often not fair. Railing against it is usually unproductive. It uses up a lot of energy and changes nothing. Throwing up our hands and succumbing completely isn't a very good solution either. What does seem to work well is a middle approach, one that acknowledges that life is not necessarily fair, but that it's important and productive to keep trying our best anyway.

There is a certain peace that comes from acknowledging that certain factors may be beyond our ability to control. The tension and anxiety attached to trying to control the uncontrollable evaporate and we are left with an unexpected peace. All the energy we put into a lack of acceptance is now available to use in a productive way. We can address the things we can control.

Seeing life for what it is, a wonderful, but in some ways unexplained, experience grounds us in reality. What used to cause discomfort is now just part of this varied and beautiful experience. Within it we grow, evolve and expand our horizons. No matter what happens to us, we try our best for the reward of who we become.

Healing in Nature

Nature is healing. The blue of the sky, the grass between our toes, the smell of rain, digging in the dirt to plant, taking in this beautiful planet that is our home. All of this brings us closer to who we are and closer to healing.

Plants breathe out and we breathe in oxygen. We breathe out and plants breathe in carbon dioxide. Plants use the sun's energy to grow and in growing provide us with food. We thrive on what is here in nature because we are part of it. Nature feeds our bodies and our souls.

The Central Park Effect is a beautiful, lyrical documentary on birding. It is an immersion in nature. The beauty of the seasons, the foliage, and the migrators unfolds in the timeless paths and rhythms of nature. The Central Park Effect is a doorway to nature.

Whether we experience nature through a doorway such as a documentary, or through our own back door, we are constantly in nature, but often fail to be aware of that. Minds split with multi-tasking take in less of the splendor that surrounds us. Sensing the vibrating life in and around us brings us to the present moment. We are here now. In this present moment we heal.

Making Plans

Making plans can be lots of fun. Making plans can make you feel organized, on top of things, and, if you're planning a vacation or special night out, can make you feel a happy sense of anticipation. Even when you're making plans for something not quite fun, taking care of business can feel so productive.

The hitch, to quote Robert Burns is that 'The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley,' or, to put it simply, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. John Lennon used the following quote in the song Beautiful Boy, 'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.' All of this certainly rings true for those of us who experience chronic pain, whether that pain be physical or emotional. No one starts a day thinking, 'Hmmm, well the day looks good but I'd like to add a little pain to my itinerary.' Yet, sometimes that's what happens.

So what about those great plans that are now disrupted and either tabled or abandoned? Well, it's not so much the plans that count as how we respond to where we are. Obviously the plan has changed & our challenge is to roll with it. Resisting, fighting, regretting are not so productive. These things keep us spinning our wheels. Leaning into the new plan is a much more positive approach. That doesn't mean we necessarily embrace the new plan wholeheartedly. Perhaps when we lean in our weight will tip the balance just enough to throw the new plan off center and bring it to a place that's a bit more palatable.

Part of any journey is the unexpected, even those journeys that are carefully planned. How fortunate we are that our journey takes place in a great big glorious world. We don't always end up where we expected to be. The joy is in finding the beauty where we are.

We Do Our Best

I just finished watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It's an interesting story and, in my view, a good one. For me the takeaway was something Judi Dench said, "We get up in the morning. We do our best. Nothing else matters." Truer words were never spoken!

We've come to expect things like satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment as part of our rights as human beings. The reality is that while those things are nice, nothing is guaranteed. We may do our best and still have to deal with unpleasantness. Even if we know on one level that life is not fair, that concept can be hard to assimilate. So, when life is not fair to us, we balk.

The beauty of the quote is that we still have something precious even when things don't turn out our way. We have our inner strength, our integrity, and our character. The satisfaction that comes from holding ourselves to high standards is immense. Being able to look in the mirror knowing that we have done our best no matter the outcome is a gift only we can give ourselves. With it comes a freedom that cannot be had any other way, no matter where we go or how far we travel.

If you're dealing with chronic pain, whether emotional or physical, you may do everything in your power to eradicate it and not succeed. If that happens and you continue to do your best every day, you will become quite an amazing person.

Space in the Middle

Life is great when it seems like all the pieces are falling into place. It's just rolling along and it feels good. To be in that place can feel especially good when you have issues in your life such as chronic pain. When it all comes together it feels as though life has balanced out a little. What's not to like?

Then there can be times when it's a little off balance. A couple of things go wrong, but you're still on top of it. It's not as great as the best, but it's not too bad either. Pile on a couple of more things going wrong and it's not looking so good. A few more things going wrong and you're like someone trying to stop the dam from bursting all by yourself.

A natural tendency in that worst scenario is to resist. Fight it all and fight most of all against the fact that it is happening. However, that actually uses up a lot of energy. You're going to deal with each thing and each thing is going to take as long to resolve as it takes. Stopping for a moment and acknowledging that you're in the midst of a mess can be a good thing. This is part of life for pretty much everyone from time to time. Taking a good look around and saying, 'Well, here I am in the middle of it,' can be like taking a breath. It opens up space to regroup and in that space is energy, fresh energy to calmly tackle the next thing in front of you. Before you know it, that pile of things you have to deal with is lower. Over time it disappears and you're back in a good space, loving life.

In the midst of a mess, know you're in a mess, take a breath, make some space, find a smile, and keep going!

Getting to 'Eureka!'

Little kids love to learn. Joy and delight are found in every accomplishment from learning how to go up stairs to mastering buttons. It's all about the fun of the moment and the happiness of new moments. We could take a page from their book when it comes to adjusting our lives as our circumstances change. In order to do this we may have to change our thinking.

NPR recently had a great article on the differences in how Japanese and American students are taught. Turns out the big difference is that Americans are taught they are either smart, in which case they should get everything easily, or not smart, in which case they won't. Japanese students are taught that anyone can persist. And persist they do with excellent results. They may fail over and over, yet they continue to try. No ego involvement here, just the grit to keep at it until, 'Eureka!' the skill is learned.

It can be tough in our culture to lose the ego and embarrassment that can be attached to 'not knowing.' This is true whether the 'not knowing' involves new technology, new social dynamics, or new ways of navigating to compensate for pain. But there is a path forward. Take one part joy, one part persistence, one part toss out the ego, and there you have the perfect recipe for getting from 'not knowing' to 'Eureka!'

Self-Monitoring

Self-monitoring is a somewhat rare, yet critically important skill. This is true for anyone, but especially those of us who deal with chronic pain. Have you ever found yourself in the midst of some activity you love, only to realize that you are tiring yourself out? You know you should have quit an hour ago, but it's so much fun! The reality is that it would have been better to quit while you were ahead. Playing now can mean that you will end up paying later.

The value of self-monitoring applies to most other aspects of life. How much should we say to others and when should we keep quiet? What dreams are worthy of pursuit and what are just distractions? Improving on our ability to self-observe and self-regulate is a sound investment of time. It will stand us in good stead in many areas, especially with regard to health.

There are so many aspects of good health. Nutrition, exercise, and outlook are just a few of the factors that make up our total health. The more we self-observe and make good judgments about our actions, thoughts, and feelings, the better this total picture will be.